Weblog

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

  • Graphs to explain it all

     There have been many sublime concepts and inspirational things expressed in words throughout history.

      Just not recently. 
     
      I'm not sure whether the corporate culture has been in charge so long that everything has become about sales pitches, or whether people have just forgotten how powerful and dynamic, how hurtful or healing, and just how meaningful words can be. 

     Well, yer Ole Uncle Nuts has the solution. 

     Graphs.

     My new online friend Loonsounds gave me this great idea this morning.

     Yes, graphs.  The whole world can be explained in graphs. 

     Wanna understand trends?  Graphs.

     Wanna know how to make lots of money?  Graphs.

     All the mysteries of life ....  Graphs.


     For instance - what does that enigmatic Mona Lisa smile really mean?? 


                               !!!mona-lisas-ass               


     ......awww. you really can't expect an answer on THAT one, now.... can ya?? 


     
     Anyhoo - in collaboration with RONCO and GetBentLaboratories of Walla Walla, Washington....

     ( drum roll, pleeze...... )


     
    All those deep , probing questions you've been searching for the answers to- are finally answered!!! 


      Yer Ole Uncle Nuts proudly presents: 

      GRAPHS to EXPLAIN IT ALL. 





    !!!!!hq-graphcopy2_800









    !!!!!graphs001










    !!!!procasr











    !!!!rocku













    !!!!!ooijj













     graph














    pie pie chart 













    _image008 











    _image004














    graphic_clothes













    _image007















    (!!_aircraft id chart)













    brains













    attraction-theory














    _image006










    !funny-graphs-scary-thermometer











    !funnygraemilyannegatto668












    !funny-graphs-pattern-of-act












    !funny-graphs-grammatical-an









     
     !funny-graphs-women-over-thirty










     _image009













    _image005











    _image003









    _image002








    _image001









     !!!!omg-stupidity













    !!!!z59928006




    Well, I hope that answers all them deep phil-o-sophical issues fer ya once and fer all....


     Exceptin that Mona Lisa thing......  


      mona-lisa






     

Monday, 09 November 2009

  • the courage to be vulnerable-why blog?

    !!!!!275002766

    ....... Now that I've got your attention...........................



      I was reading someone else's blog the other day (yeah, I can read),
    and it really struck me how open and honest the person was being.

    I mean, I always try to tell the truth- that's not what I mean. 




                1meaning-of-life        

     

     This person seemed to be laying open the intimate inward feelings
    that we all try desperately to keep private; and I was frankly amazed
    at this person's courage --courage to be VULNERABLE. 



     meaning



     Oh sure, ya say, "What could happen from being open in a blog?" - maybe nothin.

    But, when you open yourself up like that person was, you run the risk of having one of the
    many piss-on-yer-parade folks come along and - -
    - well, piss on yer parade.

    How many times have we all had somebody come along and fuck with us or fuck up something
    we cared about- - -
    just for the sheer spitefulness of it? 

     Hey - I wish I had a nickle. 



       untitled



      But, I'm gonna try a lil bit of it anyway- 'cause for
    one, I got NOTHIN to lose,
    ( 'cause I frankly don't fuckin care what somebody who don't like me thinks anyway);

    two, I think it might be kinda cathartic- I like to bottle shit up, and this seems like
    it might be a good way to let some of the pressure off; and

    three, 'cause only a handful o people'll even see this thing anyway, and
    I can always delete it afterwards. (Brave, huh?)  




    pizzabeaver_piechart



     I spend a fair percentage of my very limited free-time working on my blogs...
    and I've been asked several times why I do it... after all, I could be doing much
    more constructive, productive, profitable, or otherwise DIFFERENT
    (and less enjoyable) things.... and of course, that partially answers the question
    right there... I enjoy it.

     But more than that, I have a need that blogging somehow fulfills.

    Certainly, an important part of it is self-expression - sublimating those creative
    and aggressive drives that would otherwise be expressed in less ... err... friendly
    or socially acceptable ways.

     I can take my time, say what I want to say, (sometimes what I NEED to say)..

    and thoughtfully (or NOT) choose the tone and verbage that suits the WAY I want to say it.

    One important factor for me is personality development - I have always been an introvert -
    what some students of psychology would call a Promethian personality type -
    and as I have matured, I have found myself lacking in many of the finer points of social interaction,
    to the point that I really had to work hard on it - and I have started to open myself up more to people.

    This has had both positive and negative consequences - but has certainly been illuminating and interesting.

    As far as my social interactivity is concerned, I have improved a good deal -
    I am now functioning at about a 9th grade level, instead of where I was about 10 years ago -( let's just say it was almost pre-school level. )

    I have learned much about how to talk to people instead of talking AT them... (I still do it a lot, tho...)
    and much of this improvement is because of what I have learned from blogging and online interaction.

    Many people think the WWW is 'impersonal'... but it is as personal or impersonal as you make it...
    face to face communication is actually easier---
    --- because you have the benefit of visual and aural cueing,
    via body language, inflection, facial expression, tone and volume, etc.

    You also usually share the same space, acquaintances, or interests, so you have something in common
    that you might not have online. But, the diversity of people online, and the variety of potential experiences,
    make it a worthwhile effort.

    Another part of blogging I enjoy is when I get a reaction - positive or negative - to one of my blogs.

    In real life, I'm one of those people who loves to provoke a reaction in people I first meet -
    I'm 'acquainted' with too many people already - (so much for being THAT open, right?) thus most of the time,
    I start out not caring whether they like me or not - so, I will usually say something that I think will cause a reaction,
    and then sit back and watch - often, their reaction is predictable and downright boring -
    -----   it's when someone reacts unexpectedly that I'm particularly interested in them and what they have to say.

    The same goes for blogging - when someone responds with a comment or question,
    or especially when someone comes up with a sharp observation or witty insight, I am reminded of just how much FUN blogging can be.




    Self expression, self-improvement, self gratification - certainly it has a very selfish aspect to it -
    no one ever said that blogging had to be a public service -
    but it does serve the function of allowing people to understand each other better-
    and that is a good enough reason to do it - even if it wasn't enjoyable and fulfilling.

    It gives each man a voice - a mode of expression - in an era where the individual voice is usually drowned out
    by corporate claptrap, political posits, and the din of the crowd.

     Here's to the noble BLOG - the vox populi ! ? ?





     In that same vein, reading my own blog is a chance for me to see me - in a written, non-mirrror image form.







     I can look at how fast time is passing...  look back at my past work, and my future plans.

     I can talk to myself, without talking to myself. 

     I can restate my beliefs.. sound them out... see if they still ring true.

     I'm still here.. a lot of my old buddies aren't.

     It can't help but make one wonder about one's place within this world of ours.... are we just random carbon, hydrogen and
    oxygen atoms ? 

      Is this blog an illusion from nothing more than a puff of smoke? 

     No, I don't believe that.

      I guess when it comes right down to it, what is important about
    our lives has an awful lot to do with WHAT we believe; and that is based on what we
    have learned- from education, training and experience, along with our acquired likes and
    dislikes, our intuition and our capacity for openness (to new learning, ideas, things, people, etc). 


                      FindMisspelling          



    So, then one might ask, 'What do I believe?"

    ((Note, knowing myself to be the smart ass I am,
      I couldn't resist including a running smart ass commentary - -
      it's in italics and parenthesis.. like this...... just ignore it.))



    That despite years in the military, I'm a hippie at heart.
    ('Free Love' sounds great, and I always thought hippie chicks were HOT.)

    That times may change, but truth does not.
    (despite what those idiots in Washington or corporate controlled media would have you believe..)

    That human life shouldn't be wasted on things like "Bad Intelligence", "Oil", "National Prestige",
      "Political Expediency (and/or Stupidity)" or "Trans-national Corporate Greed".
       (or orgasms inside vacuum sealed bags or while strangling oneself, either.)

    That people who work their entire lives contributing to building their society should be able to count
     on that society to take care of them for a coupla years at the end.

    That big multi-national corporations add nothing positive to our society. Nothing.

    That life (yours and mine) is about learning, growing and experiencing.
    (biceps included!)

    That men and women are put together differently for several good reasons... and sometimes,
    a combination of the two can add up to something greater than just the sum of the parts.

    That all people are created equal - and deserve equal protection and opportunity.

    That there's no free lunch - but KETCHUP still ain't no vegetable.

    That we owe each other a helping hand, a word of encouragement, some basic courtesy,
      and all the benefits of the golden rule.
    (just stay off my wave!)

    That aside from food and shelter, money can't buy ANYTHING of real and lasting value.
      ... Love can't buy you money, but I'd rather have love anytime.
    ( But, I ain't doing no nude bed-in with Yoko Ono, no matter what!)

    That muscles grow in directly opposite proportion to how hard you overwork them.
    (that goes for ANY muscle.)

    That 18% bodyfat is not great, but it's better than giving up Chinese Food.
    (I don't think that was chicken, but it WAS protein.......)

    That I'd rather be:
    strong than handsome;
    happy than rich;
    alive than dead;
    testosteroned than estrogened;
    droll than sarcastic;
    hard than soft;
    overtrained than lazy;
    smart than shrewd;
    in shorts than in a suit;
    experienced than naive;
    pedantic than illiterate;
    myself than something else.


    That the perfect woman couldn't exist any more than the perfect man.
    (perfection itself would be too imperfectly boring.)


    That some of the greatest movies ever made are :

    "Out There" (I love the part about how aliens can't stand accordion music..)

    "Four Rooms" ("DON'T Misbehave!")

    "Clerks" (You never know about those public restrooms...)

    "Man of LaMancha" (Where could Sancho be with my horse?)

    "The Fifth Element"  (Where's Leelu when you really need her?)


    That you should try just about anything at least once.
    (--- except Brussels Sprouts! )

    That I've bored the few readers I have to tears already.
    ( AMEN, brother! ) 


    Thanks for reading.

    .... by the way.....
    You're not still mad at me for my 'attention grabber' are ya?


    Well, here's one more to make it up to you............



    oooohhhh... a red-haired attention grabber, huh? mmMMMmm.
    (.......and my favorite kind, too... : FEMALE! )


    But remember - if you ever want to have a chance with HER....

    stay away from the snack bar!

    Currently Listening
    Love Stinks
    By The J. Geils Band
    see related

Sunday, 08 November 2009

Saturday, 07 November 2009

  • the stuff you see when you ain't got yer gun....


     Hey, there... welcome!

     Today, we're gonna take a little trip -- to another DIE-MENSION! 

     (((  Here is where I explain that I like to swap funny pictures with some of my friends......)))


           LIKE THIS ONE  ......................               Tshirthell-thumb
     

     (((  and once in a while, I post some of them with captions that I think are funny.... )))
      
       ......... YOU MAY NOT. Oh well.....  

     Yes, we're gonna see sights on this trip that you won't believe you ever saw- 


                 giraffe_20waterski                    


        (and probably wish you hadn't!)

     So STRAP IN TIGHT - 'Cause there's NO REFUNDS!

     READY?? 

     OK  then.......




    bike path

    " Hey you- stay on the path!!!! "







    _vice4

      I always said he was smarter than the average bear! 







     zold_and_tired

        This is what happens to you when you get OLD and TIRED. 







    061

     I can't wait for THAT class........................................ 






    !dentalcare

     They say a visit to this guy is relatively painless......... 










    4q2-5873

    Disneyland is working hard to appeal to kids of ALL ages.......









     zPenis_Balloon

     I don't care how big you are, some women just aren't satisfied! 







    060

      I'm not gonna make any quacks about this..................







     zrunforurlife

     Hey dummy - RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!  








    059

     Talk about OXYMORONS........................................








     zoff20balance

     Ummm........    ok, then......   NEXT! 






    !!!drunk004

     The new party game - bobbin for urinal cakes!









     zMcPoster_Boy

     The new poster boy for the MC-RIB sandwich. 








    !!!!!!!!!!SlightContradiction

     So much for freedom of SPEECH......................


     






     zWhatAboutMe
     

      Hey - what about ME??????






    navigation

     Who the hell needs GPS anyway????? 








    !taxi

         Certainly not HER....................   








    gif-memory-error








     CAAJ4XMZ

    What are YOU looking at? 



     

                       Well, that's it for now..... tune in again soon....
                         'cause we like having you around.......


                                  wierd








     

     
     

    Currently Listening
    No Vacancy: The Best of the Motels
    By The Motels
    see related

Friday, 06 November 2009

  • Use your left hand next time

                                  !!!!lefthan


     One of the things that has always fascinated me is the concept of left-brain/right-brain dominance.... 


                   !!!!!left-brain-right-brain            


     You know... how the right side of the brain controls the left part of the body, etc...

     Theoretically, someone who demonstrates a preference for using his right-hand (right handed) is showing
    a left-brain dominance....  (and would, again theoretically, be better at left-brain kinds of stuff....... )
    and vice versa. 

     Here's a graph to illustrate the idea...... 

     !!!!!brainorg


     As you can see from this chart,

    Right handed folk have their strengths in practical stuff like reading, writing and 'ritmetic......
    ...................making money, taking over corporations, blowing up countries... you know, dull stuff.....

     ......while Left-handed folk have their strengths in the creative and imaginative side.... 
    .................  like making the world beautiful, thinking outside the box, seeing in different ways.... 

     
     Left handed men are said to be more emotionally available and open..... 

     Left handed women are said to make better, more adventurous lovers --

     ( ...........and you gotta love THAT !!)


     Don't get me wrong....

     I'm not hating on right-handed people... I'm one myself.

     Back in the first and second grades,
    I was demonstrating a peculiar ambidextrous quality -
    that the nuns at St. Rose Elementary somehow saw as very demonic in nature.., 

      So- 
    with only a few million practice right-handed circle loops drawn over and over and over and over and over - 
    and 7,838 more knuckle raps with a steel ruler administered by an angry but still smiling all the while penguin --

    --  they were nice enough to break me of it....................  it was that , or my hand, after all.

    !!!!04NUN

     I can't help wondering just how much impact that forced change had on my psyche... 



                  !!!!left-right-brain-conflict                      




     --  I don't wonder why I hate nuns, though.  --

     ( I could tell you some stories.................... )

     Anyhoo...... Today we're gonna celebrate those blessed with being left-handed. 


                                      !!!!nun-ruler                              
                                      (a left-handed NUN? naaah.....)


    I know - left-handy day is August 13... but we're gonna celebrate it here today, damn it. 


                                     !!!!shop_large     


     You say you don't think it's a such a blessing?

     Well, check out this list of those left-handers ... they had something going for them.....

    Lewis Carroll  (... yes, you were my Muse on this one, Cindy.)
    Mark Twain
    H.G. Wells
    Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach
    David Byrne (Talking Heads)
    Phil Collins (Genesis)
    Bela Fleck, jazz musician
    Glenn Frey (Eagles)
    Errol Garner, jazz pianist
    Judy Garland
    Isaac Hayes
    Chuck Mangione
    Paul McCartney
    Peter Nero, conductor
    Cole Porter, song-writer
    Sergei Rachmaninoff , composer
    Maurice Ravel , composer
    Lou Rawls
    Seal
    Ringo Starr
    Paul Simon
    Tiny Tim
    Rudy Valee
    Paul Williams, song-writer
    Albrecht Dürer
    M.C. Escher
    Hans Holbein
    Paul Klee
    Michelangelo
    LeRoy Neiman
    Raphael
    Leonardo da Vinci
    Tim Allen
    Carol Burnett
    George Burns, comedian
    Ruth Buzzi, comedienne
    Sid Caesar, comedian
    Charlie Chaplin
    Hans Conreid
    Olivia de Havilland
    W.C. Fields
    Larry Fine (Three Stooges)
    Greta Garbo
    Betty Grable
    Cary Grant
    Mark Hamill
    Rex Harrison
    Goldie Hawn
    Jim Henson, puppetteer
    Kermit the Frog
    Rock Hudson
    Danny Kaye
    Michael Landon
    Peter Lawford
    Joan of Arc, French heroine
    Ramses II, Egyptian pharaoh
    Alexander the Great
    Charlemagne, Holy Roman emperor
    Julius Caesar, Roman general
    Napoléon Bonaparte, French emperor
    King Louis XVI of France
    Queen Victoria of England
    Prince Charles of England
    Prince William of England
    Fidel Castro, Cuban leader
    Benjamin Netanyahu, Israeli prime-minister
    Pres. Harry S. Truman (1884-1972) 33rd
    Pres. Gerald Ford (1913-2006) 38th
    Pres. Ronald Reagan (1911-2004) 40th
    Pres. George H.W. Bush (1924- ) 41st
    Pres. Bill Clinton (1946- ) 42nd



                !!!leftorium_400          


     How about this - did you know:

    FACT: There are over 30 million left handed people in the United States alone.

    FACT: No se zurdo literally translates as "Don't be left-handed" in Spanish, but in slang it's "Don't be stupid."

    FACT: A study published in South Africa suggests that people who are vegetarians are more likely to be left-handed.

    FACT: The left tusks of Arctic whales can grow to a length of nine feet, spiraling in a counterclockwise direction.

    FACT: During the Renaissance, master painters had their right-handed pupils occasionally switch hands to elicit a freer, more imaginative stroke.



    Left Hander's Day is August 13th.


    Have you ever wondered why men's and women's clothing are buttoned on opposite sides?

    According to Fincher (1977), the custom comes from the Victorian age when a noble woman was usually dressed by her maid, and because the maids were usually right-handed, it was easier for them to button the garments from right to left. Conversely, a noble gentlemen usually dressed himself and did not require this reversed arrangement of buttons.



    Why do virtually all of the world's religions associate the left with that which is evil or dirty?

    According to Langford (1984), sun-worship may be to blame. The majority of humankind also always lived in the northern hemisphere, and therefore, when tracking the sun across the sky, most will have faced south, following the path of the sun from left to right. Earliest forms of religion manifested themselves through sun worship, and very early on humankind may have developed an association between rightward movement and what is good. Vestiges of our tendency to track the sun from left to right still remain today. Clocks go in this direction, and so do compasses. Even the Japanese word for left, "hidari", was derived from the words for "sun" and "on".



    How about wedding bands? Why do we wear them on the third finger of the left-hand when the left is associated with sin and filth?

    Early Egyptians believed that the vena amoris (love vein) ran from the third finger of the left-hand to the heart, and placing the wedding ring on this finger would provide a closer connection with one's heart. Do you think the days of banning left-handedness are over?

    Not quite. In the sport of polo it is illegal to play left-handed. The only conceivable rationale for this might be an effort to preserve the safety of the sport wherein the horses would be trained to expect the mallet to be swung on the right side. Doing so on the left may spook them.



    Can you assess handedness in someone who is unconscious?

    DeKay (1994) claims that handedness can be determined by examining ones thumbnails. The hand with the larger and squarer (is the larger thumbnail always squarer?) is supposedly the dominant hand. DeKay (1994) supports this claim with reference to the New England Journal of Medicine (presumably Block, 1974), despite the fact that subsequent articles in the same journal criticize the "thumbnail" hypothesis (Bersohn, 1974). Others have claimed that handedness can be determined while a child is still an infant by looking at the pattern of one's hair. According to DeKay (1994), left-handed infants are characterized by a counterclockwise whorl to their hair. Although this general effect may exist, the accuracy of such a method is rather questionable. According to Ortiz de Zarate and Ortiz de Zarate (1991), right-handers have clockwise whorls of hair only 55% of the time. The hair whorl method of determining handedness appears to be a little more accurate among left-handers, where 74% exhibit counterclockwise whorls. Given that right-handers are much more prevalent than left-handers, an individual with a counterclockwise whorl to their hair is still more likely to be a right-hander than a left-hander.



                           !!!justin_hugs2                      




     Finally, if you are left-handed, you might want to join the left-handed club at: www.lefthandersday.com

     So - if you're left-handed, Enjoy it. Flaunt it!    

     If not.., well... , you've been bitchin you havent been getting any variety..... USE YER LEFT HAND NEXT TIME! 

carolinamuscle

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About Me

  • Fitness Mentor, Amateur Strongman, Powerlifter. I'm Straight, I like humor, eroticism, and interesting people/ideas, training, kayaking, riding my motorcycle, writing, and listening to music. PLEASE READ BEFORE SUBSCRIBING: My blog is set up to be a kind of humorous 'androcentric' magazine... I like to call it the online humor magazine for muscleheads. It's definitely not for everybody. Check out a few posts before subscribing. It IS usually funny, to me, at least- whether intentionally or not. Note: some posts are rated EX- you must be age verified to see them.

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